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For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+

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1 For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:19 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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Chapter 1:

“Auf...Auf Weidersein....Dankeshun...” I whispered down the phone, feeling a tear trickle slowly down my cheek. I shuddered, closed my phone, and looked over at one of the pictures of me and Bill when we were younger. “Bill...” I sobbed, clutching my mobile to my chest as my legs gave way beneath me, causing me to slide helplessly down the wall and onto the floor. “Nein....” I whimpered, tucking my knees to my chest as I let my emotions loose. The door of the living room opened, and I looked up slowly and sorrowfully at the person standing there.
“Tom?” Georg practically jumped to my side, clutching my head to his chest. “What happened? What’s going on?”
“Bi...Bill....” I managed to say, my lips trembling as I let out a loud moan of sorrow.
“Wha.... What happened?”
“He....I need...hospital...Bill...car crash....” I struggled to put a sentence together, but Georg seemed to know what I was trying to say.
“What? No...Bill.. Is he...” Georg gulped before continuing, as if he knew how I’d react to the next thing he was going to say.
“He...5% chance...surviving....the night....” I whispered, clutching Georg tightly. “I...I need....See...Bill....”
“I’ll give you and Gustav a ride to the hospital...”
“Thank you....”

I don’t remember getting into Georg’s car, or Gustav getting in as well. However, I do remember the journey being the longest of my life... Every second we were stuck in traffic, Bill was slipping further and further away. I don’t know how to explain it, but I could feel something inside me... It felt as if my heart was hollowing at the harrowing thought of losing my twin. I clutched my hand to my aching chest, and felt a never-ending river of slaty water flowing down my face as I thought about Bill and how bad he must be for him to only have a 5% chance of surviving the night....I felt another sob escape my throat, and I watched the dull sky as the dark grey clouds above open and pour their own tears onto the dirty concrete of the raods and pavements. It was as if the heavens above could feel my sorrow.... I looked at the rear-veiw mirror as Georg had to stop for somethng like the 20th time. He cast a sympathetic look at me through the mirror, before turning his gaze quickly back to the rear lights of the black car in front. The car resumed on it’s journey about 10 seconds later.... ‘And Bill is 10 seconds closer to death...’ I found myself thinking, the deep feeling of dread everytime the car had to stop causing sharp pains to surge through me from that one place in the left-side of my chest. I gripped my t-shirt on my chest, and let out another loud sob as I placed my forhead on the vibrating glass window, resisiting the urge to punch it through and run to the hospital. Suddenly- Georg was forced to stop. The quickest road to the hosptial was closed off... And I recognised one of the mangled cars blocking the road straight away. I rapidly undid my seatbelt, and charged out of the door, pelting down the road towards the vehicle I had been sat in the previous day. “BILL!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, the icy air almost catching me off-guard. A police officer grabbed me roughly, and started telling me how everyone involved in the accident was at the hospital... and that there was no-one in any of the cars, something I already knew. I ran past the police officer, ran past the wreckage of Bill’s car, and charged down the road in the freezing rain, the dropelets hitting my tear-stained face and stinging as if I’d just been slapped as I ran head-first into the heartless wind.



Last edited by Uchiha_Helenaka on Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

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2 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:26 pm

KaulitzCrazy483

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gaah! so sad!! :'(

3 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:34 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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After about 3 minutes of endless running and sobbing, I finally reached those hauntingly clean white doors. I burst through them, causing a woamn in the waiting room to let out a slight scream of shock. I looked straight at the reception desk, and somehow managed, in my breathlessness and sorrow, to say my brother’s name. The woman looked up at me. “Sorry- only immediate family allowed...”
“I’m...I’m his twin brother....Tom Kaulitz...”
“Oh... Well, Doctor Hanchaw will take you too him...”
“Danke...” I turned to see a rather short and elderly doctor come and show me to where Bill was being kept. He was saying stuff to me, but I wasn’t really listening. All I was focussing on was the fact that my younger twin brother was on the opposite side of one of these doors, close to death... I swallowed back some tears as I looked down at Dr.Hanchaw.
“What...Is he...like?”
“He...” Dr.Hanchaw looked at me very gravely. “You’d better be prepared for how bad he is... This is not going to sound very comforting, but I’m surprised he is still whole after what happened to the poor guy...”
“How bad...” I whispered, feeling my tears beginning once again.
“I’ll tell you later... He’s just behind this door...” Dr.Hanchaw pushed a dull wooden door open for me, and I thanked him as I walked in, completely unprepared for what I saw before me.

There, led deathly still and as pale as the sheets covering him, was Bill, machines hooked up to him, and drips entangled with the wires. “Bill...” I whimpered, almost collapsing in the doorway. I heard the door shut softly behind me, and I sat myself quickly onto the chair next to his bed. ‘This isn’t Bill... he..he CAN’T be...’ I found myself thinking as I clutched his cold arm tightly, in that twinly desperation to feel his pulse for comfort. I felt so stupid, but as I found Bill’s decreasing heartbeat, I felt slightly more comforted, and I placed my other hand into his own open palm. Bill’s hair was matted with blood, half of his face was beneath bandages, and he had dark rings around his eyes that was NOT his make-up....I whimpered as I heard him struggling for breath, his chest labouring slowly up and down as a heart monitor beeped slowly in the background. “Bill... Oh mein Gott why did this happen to you....” I wept quietly, placing a gentle brotherly kiss onto Bill’s cold, almost blue lips. Suddenly, the door came flying open and I heard my Mother sobbing loudly. “TOM!” she cried, clutching me close as she looked down onto her second son. “OH mein Bill!” she whimpered, her sobs of dispair tugging my heartstrings. She placed kiss after kiss onto what parts of Bill’s face she could, and she sat on the chair at the other side of Bill’s hospital bed as she cluthed his other hand tenderly. I could hear her and Gordon talking, and I could hear him trying deperately to comfort her. However, I know it was all falling on deaf ears... She was just as pained and distraught as I was to see Bill in such a state. Quietly, I heard the door open once more, and I turned to see a doctor stood there. “I’m afraid this is going to be your last chance to say goodbye... “
“WHAT?! NO IT CAN’T BE!!! NOT MY SON!!!” My Mother cried loudly, desperately... and also in vain.
“Nein....” I looked down onto Bill once more, and whimpered.
“I’m so sorry... There’s nothing we can do, apart from make him comfortable...”

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4 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:50 pm

KaulitzCrazy483

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NEIN!!! don;t you die on me Bill!! I won't let you!!! :'(

5 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:20 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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“Bill...” I whispered, watching as my tears slowly splashed onto his face. “I’m sorry for all the times I argued with you... I’m so sorry about everything bad I did to you...But he had fun, right?” I could hear the doctor explaining Bill’s wounds to my Mother, and how each one was fatal in it’s own right, but I stopped myself listening after a few seconds. It was bad enough knowing he was slipping away before my very eyes, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. But knowing that he suffered before he lost consiousness... Was something I wish I didn’t hear. I looked back onto Bill’s face, and rubbed his hand in both of mine as memories of how happy we had been came flooding back to me... Like the one time he fell over in school and cut his knee when we were about 4... And how I practically carried him to the nurse’s office and held his hand as she cleaned the wound and bandaged his leg up. Anf then there was the one time when he almost fell off stage.... I let out a chuckle as I spoke softly to Bill, telling him every happy memory I had... And how badly I’d miss him. I watched as a tear splashed into the corner of Bill’s eye, and I let out a sob as it trickled down his face as if he was crying as well. “Bill... I’ll never forget you...” My heart ached as I said those words, almsot to the point where it practically felt like I was having a heart attack at the loss of my brother. I heard the doctor say something about how Bill wouldn;t survive past midnight, and I looked at my watch. It was 11:55... Bill only has 5 minutes left to live. “No...” I whimpered. It wss bad enough knowing he was dying right before my eyes... But knowing he only had such a short amount of time left... I led my head onto his labouring chest, my nose practically crushed against his boney breast-plate. I gripped a section of the bedsheets and sobbed my loudest and my most sorrowful as I remembered all the tough things me and Bill had gotten through together.... And how I was suddenly going to be alone in the world. “Bill... why you?” I whimpered. I placed another kiss onto his face, and watched as his eye let out a single tear of his own. “It’s OK Bill... I’ll look after everyone...” I found myself saying, and I clutched his hand in mine once more, lifted it, and placed another kiss onto his cold flesh. “Bill... I love you.. We all do...” I closed my eyes to squeeze all my tears out, and re-opened them, my vision blurred. “And I’m... sorry I couldn’t save you... I protected you so much... I love you so much...” I whispered to my twin brother’s frail body, and I looked sorrowfully onto his face as yet another tear trickled down Bill’s face. “Oh God Bill...” I squeezed his hand once more in both of mine, and I looked over at the clock as the second hand slowly counted down the remains of my brother’s life.

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6 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:41 pm

me+bill=luv4ever

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Helz, Bill better not die on us! i read the other one, and he died, but he cant die in this one!

7 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:51 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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All will be releaved next chapter

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8 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:53 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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Suddenly, the heart monitor began beeping frantically, and the doctor said something about Bill going into cardiac arrest. The doctor came over to do something to Bill, but my Mother stopped him by placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and shaking her head sorrowfully. That was when it sunk in... That my own Mother knew that it was better for Bill to die then to suffer for much longer. I placed a gentle brotherly kiss onto Bill’s lips once more, and whimpered as the heart monitor’s rapid beeping was replaced by a single, continuous high-pitched noise that filled the room. “Bill...” I whimpered, squeezing his lifeless trying desperately to get some response, some sign that he was still alive. I felt someone place their hand gently on my shoulder, and I started sobbing as loudly as I could. I simply stared at Bill’s pale face longingly. His eyes were closed so softly, I was almost convinced the younger man was in a light slumber, and would wake if shaken lightly. To remove this little belief, I shook the younger man’s body gently. Nothing. I whimpered, and felt my bottom lip tremble as I led myself onto my brother’s still chest, moaning about how I was only half the person I was without him... “Bill... No...Oh Gott no.....” I whispered onto his chest. “You left me behind... I forgive you for everything.... You’ll always be in my heart brother....” I looked up at his pale face, at the dark purple rings around his eye, and at the blood that had stained the bandage on his face. “I tried to shield you from the world... But I couldn’t....I’m so sorry...” I wept, clutching the hospital sheets with every ounce of strength I had, almost as if letting them go would mean I was letting Bill go too. However, after about 20 minutes of me sobbing my heart out, and pouring every memory I had onto Bill’s still, cold body, I was told to leave... And when I left the room, I realised how alone I really was...

I slowly, almost lifelessly, walked down the corridor and into the packed waiting room. I looked up at Georg, and the expression on his face told me he already knew what had happened as he ran and held me in his arms. By some miracle, I was no longer crying. I felt weak, empty, sick and alone. All I could do was sink into Georg’s arms, and gently hold him in a loose, tired embrace. Every ounce of energy I once had seemed to be gone... sapped away by the loss of Bill. “Oh God Tom, I’m so sorry...” Georg spoke quietly, and suddenly he got pulled away from me to be repleaced by a camera and a reporter. She looked about 30-40, and had her blonde hair in a bob which looked to young for her face. “Tom- is it true that Bll was in a car accident?” I looked up at her, and felt my tears beginning again.
“Ye...Yeah...” I whispered, bowing my head sorrowfully as sobs once again began to shake my body. Georg wrapped an arm around my trembling shoulders, whispering words of comfort into my ear.
"Is he Ok?" I looked up, hoping that my tears would tell her. However, she simply stared at me, her eyes pressing me for a verbal answer. I tried to speak, but all that came out was just a sorrowful moan.
“How is Bill?” the reporter asked. Suddenly, I found myself incredably angry at how thoughtless she was being, and I glared at her angrily.
“HE’S DEAD YOU HEARTLESS BITCH!” I snapped, throwing myself into Georg’s arms as angry, shocked and sad tears cascaded down my face. “Bill...” I whimpered into Georg’s shoulder as Gustav placed an arm around me as well. Georg looked at the reporter sternly, and clutched me gently as he spoke. “I think you’ve done enough damage...” He whispered anrgily at her, and I looked up at her, my eyes red and bloodshot, my cheeks puffy.
“Yeah... You have...” The reporter looked at me as I spoke, then truned to her camera.
“You heard it here first... Bill Kaulitz, the lead singer of world-wide success story Tokio Hotel, has died in a car accident at the age of just 19...”

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9 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:22 pm

Meadhbh<3

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Nooooo!! Not Billa!!! D:
No Crying or Very sad =[

I want to hug Tomi now >< (and I don't usually Laughing)

That was reeeally good Helz =[



Last edited by Meadhbh<3 on Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:30 pm; edited 1 time in total

10 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:29 pm

KaulitzCrazy483

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:'( neeeein! Sad

11 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Tue Aug 25, 2009 2:20 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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I'm sowwi

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12 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 26, 2009 1:39 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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That night, I couldn’t sleep at all. The emptiness I felt inside was just too much to bare, and all I could do with cuddle my pillow crying silently to myself. “I love you so much Bill.. It hurts... Oh Gott it hurts...Can you forgive me for trying to protect you from everything horrible in the world? I’m sorry....” I wept quietly, trying not to attract attention from Georg or Gustav, who had both offered to stay round to look after me. “Everything turned out so wrong.... Oh Gott Bill....” I whimpered, lifting my head to stare at one of the photographs os me and him when we wereat the EMA’s in London. I stood slowly, and walked over to it, my vision blurred by my tears. With trembling hands, I picked it up and lifted it slowly to my face, watching as a single glistening tear splashed onto the glass on Bill’s face. With one finger, I wiped it so that the salty water dripped off the edge of the wooden frame, and I sniffed, clutching it to my chest as I sobbed. “Why didn’t I die before you.... You didn’t deserve to die Bill... Not you....” I whimpered, feeling my legs giving away beneath me as I crashed to the floor in sorrow. I accidently knocked one of the other photos down, and I stared helplessly as it landed face down, the glass shattering on the impact with the laminate flooring of my room. I carefully reached one shaking hand out, and turned it over slowly. It was of me and Bill when we were about 14... And I smiled at the memories I got from looking at that one picture. That was the day me and Bill had a huge argument and I pushed him down the stairs. I let out a chuckle as I remembered how Bill was limping for about a week afterwards, how much I took the piss out of him for ‘walking like a cripple’, and how he’d reacted by chasing me around for about half and hour before Georg had stopped us because we were disturbing him and Gustav’s conversation. “Not like we cared then, eh Bill?” I asked the photo quietly, smiling sorrowfully as I remember I’d never hear his voice again...Or his laugh... or even hear him sing. I looked up at the corner of my ceiling, and felt another tear trickle down my face as I remembered walking in and seeing my twin, led so frail and fragile on that hospital bed, surrounded by all those tubes and wires.... I let out a gentle whimper as I remembered the final things me and Bill had done together. “Tom- I love you. I think you’re probably the coolest brother anyone could have....” and the way he’d hugged me afterwards so so gentle. I had held him, placed a brotherly kiss on his cheek, and he’d feined horror by retreating away and wiping his cheek like I was poisen. “Gay....” Bill had chuckled before placing the same sort of kiss on my cheek. That was when it was my turn to call him gay, and he’d done his little ‘camp act’, when he just huffed “I am not!” and put his hand on his hips in the campest manner ever, which made us both laugh even harder. Then, he had to go because he was going to his friends. I HATED Andreas for calling him and asking him to go round because ‘they needed to talk’. “If... If he hadn’t done that, then Bill...Bill would still...be here...” I wept, as I stared at the first picture I had picked up. That was when I realised that we would NEVER do anything like that together again, and I watched as a tear, then another and another, splashed onto the glass as I sobbed almost uncontrollably. “Everything.... It all turned out.... so wrong... Why did you leave me ....here, all on my own? You ....You KNOW I need you Bill...Oh Gott I need you so much...Bill...Oh Bill....” I wept, no longer caring how loud I was. I didn’t care if Georg or Gustav heard me and came in to comfort me. I stared at one of the shards of glass on the floor, and before I even knew what I was doing, I had dragged it across my left wrist, the blood pumping out of my severed vein and dripping onto my leg and the floor. “AHH!” I screamed, chucking the glass shard and the photograph to one side as I grabbed my arm in the right hand in an attempt to stop the bleeding, shock causing my tears to temporarilly pause. I grabbed one of my t-shirts out of one of the half-open the drawers I was leaning on, and I wrapped it tightly around my arm, watching as blood slowly seeped through it. Panicking, I stood and ran into the corridor, screaming about how my arm was bleeding and it wouldn’t stop.

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13 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 26, 2009 3:02 pm

me+bill=luv4ever

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Helz, this story is amazing! I love all the descriptions! it's really pretty! Smile It makes me sad, but i think i know how this story is going to end...

14 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Wed Aug 26, 2009 5:21 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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Aww thanks. And you can't know- there's LOADS more to come xD

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15 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Tue Sep 01, 2009 6:44 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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Gustav was the first to come running to my aid. He saw my arm, saw the blood seeping through the white of the t-shirt I was using as some sort of temporary tourniquet, and instantly grabbed my arm, applying lots of pressure to my wound. “Gustav... I...I don’t know...What I... Oh Gott... I feel ill...” My stomach was doing back flips, and suddenly, I retched forwards, vomiting just in front of Gustav’s feet. I felt sweat trickle down my forehead, and I looked sorrowfully yet fearfully into Gustav’s eyes.
“Schiesse... GEORG GET HERE NOW!” Gustav yelled down the stairs as my legs buckled beneath me, my strength failing me.
“Gustav...help....”
“Shh... Tom, you’re in shock... You’ll be OK...” The colour was slightly draining from his face, but he stayed brave for me. Over his shoulder, I saw Georg run up the stairs and he instantly propped my head onto his lap as I felt my body slip sideways onto the floor.
“Oh mien Gott...” Georg whispered as he looked at my arm, and I felt a tear drip onto my cheek as he looked down onto me. “Oh Tom...” Suddenly, he placed a kiss onto my trembling lips, and I simply lay there feeling myself getting weaker and weaker.
“Gustav... I...I don’t want to die...” I found myself whispering, and Georg looked at Gustav as if begging him to tell him I was going to be fine.
“Shh Tom... Just stay with me OK? You’ll be fine...” Gustav removed my bloodied t-shirt, and let out a little gasp as he saw the wound. “Georg- get me the first aid kit form the bathroom....” Georg stayed with my head on his lap, and looked up at Gustav as if he didn’t know what to do. “NOW!” Georg nodded at Gustav’s orders and ran into the bathroom, laying my head gently onto the carpet of the hallway. He came running back, practically threw the kit at Gustav, and wiped his face before he lifted my head once more. Gustav lifted my arm into the air, and the sight of blood trickling down past my elbow made me feel very faint. I felt my eyes flutter, but Gustav shouted at me to keep my eyes open, and I did. I felt Gustav tightly wrapping my arm as I looked at Georg, who seemed to be desperately thinking. Suddenly, I found my head on the floor once more as Georg propped my feet up using a couple of books from a bookcase- books I didn’t even know we had.

After about a minute, I began feeling less sick and a little better. “See- told you that you were in shock...Stay here for a little bit... I’m gonna call a doctor...” Gustav stood slowly, and I saw blood on his jeans and all over his hands and lower arms. “Georg- Hold his arm above his heart. Oh- and make sure he’s OK while I’m gone, alright?” Gustav smiled at me, whispered that I was going to be fine, then walked downstairs. I looked at Georg, and then at the pile of books supporting my feet.
“I...I didn’t know we even had... that many books...” I joked, watching as Georg smiled slightly. Suddenly, I remembered Bill and burst into sobs. “Bill....”
“Shh... Oh Tom... Shh...” Georg soothed, rubbing the side of my face softly.
“Why...Did he have to leave...Why him?”
“I don’t know Tom...I’m sorry...”
“Bill...is everything...I’m only half a person without him...” I whimpered, clutching Georg with my right hand as tightly as I could, feeling my tears dripping onto his jeans.
“Everything’s going to be alright Tom...”
“HOW?!” I snapped, pulling him as close as I could as I practically screamed into him. “BILL’S GONE!!! IT WILL NEVER BE ALRIGHT!!!” I screamed, my tears cascading down my cheeks.
“Shh.... Oh Tom please...” I felt something drip onto the top of my head, and looked up as another tear dripped off of Georg’s chin and onto my cheek. “I know he is....Gott you know how that hurts me too? You’re not the only one his death has affected....”
“And you think... I don’t know that?” I stared him straight in the eyes, sitting myself up slowly. “Of COURSE I’m not the only one... but he was...my younger brother...I could...I SHOULD...have...protected him....Oh Gott Bill....”
“Shh... Shh Tom....” Georg held my head to his chest, and I whimpered as I remembered that Bill was all that I am.. All that I was. I was nothing without him... nothing... Just stuck in the one moment I saw his life end in front of my very eyes....While everyone else just continued like nothing had happened...As my world came crashing down around me, the foundation of it all taken cruelly away...
“I...I don’t want to face...life without him....”
“Aww schieße...” Gustav’s voice travelled up the stairs, and I cast a sorrowful glance at him. "The docs aren't going to come out for 'attempted suicide'. Gott their such idiots..." Gustav looked at my arm, and gave a slight smile. “It seems to have stopped bleeding, which is good. So- I don’t think you’ll need the docs to come out...” Gustav knelt beside me, and placed a comforting arm over my trembling shoulders. “I’m so sorry about Bill, Tom...I really, really am...” He pulled me out of Georg’s grasp, and pulled my head close to his chest so I could hear his heartbeat. I heard him say something about returning me to my room, and I looked up. “I...I want... to sleep in Bill’s room...” The look Gustav gave me at my request told me he already knew I was going to say that, and carefully, he helped me up and led me to the door of the room I knew so well.


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16 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:12 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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The second I walked into my brother’s room, I couldn’t hold back my tears. I looked at his many posters, of Green Day, Placebo and the one of Nena that I always took the piss out of him for having, and my body trembled as I sighed sorrowfully. I slowly walked over to Bill’s wardrobe, and opened the door with a gentle tug. I unwillingly tasted the bitter saltiness of a tear as it trickled slowly over my dry lips, and I licked them slowly as I took one of Bill’s favourite jackets off of its hook and clutched it to my chest. I walked slowly over to the bed, and whimpered as I ran one hand over the untidy bed sheets. “He never did make his bed...” I smiled as I remembered that, only this morning, he had been awoken at about 11 because I was taking him for lunch. I smiled as I remembered the way he had bitten into the burger he had ordered, the tomato sauce spurting out and onto his t-shirt... When he’d laughed, it honestly felt like nothing could come between us... Like we were going to be together forever. “I never thought... In a million years... That I would lose you, Bill...” I whispered, the lump in my throat making it virtually impossible for me to make any noise apart from a sorrowful moan. I sat slowly onto the bed, and took a look around Bill’s room as I realised the hole he had left in my life would NEVER be filled- not with a girl, not with anyone. I was going to be hollow forever... I caught sight of a picture of me and Bill, and led his jacket on the pillow as I rose to it. The second I saw it, I started sobbing uncontrollably, my legs becoming weak and unsteady as I stood in front of it. With trembling hands, I lifted it to my face. It was the picture of me and him, in the kitchen, making cookies as we always did when we were that age. He had the most smug expression on his face, and I smiled as I remembered the little fight we’d had with the remains of the flour... how I was just chucking the packet around so the flour completely coated Bill from head to foot...how when Mama had walked in and seen us, I chucked the packet into Bill’s hands and said he’d started it... And how much Mama had told us both off because she’d seen what I’d done.... I smiled slightly as I carefully put it back down, my tears cascading down my cheeks as I turned to return myself to the bed. However, a second photograph caught my eye, and I picked it up, examining it carefully as I looked down onto my brother, his entire personality summed-up in a single photograph. Bill was stood, half posing, half laughing, and he had his microphone deliberately positioned between his legs. I remembered the day clearly... ‘Why did you have to die?’ I thought, placing the picture back and picking up yet another photograph he had, this one having been only taken about a week ago. There was me and him, stood side-by-side, his arm on my shoulder as we posed for a photograph at the VMA’s. “Bill...” I whimpered, biting my bottom lip in my sorrow. “I never told you....How happy you made me...” I let out a loud sob as I looked up out of the window, watching the clouds drifting away as the early morning sun shone through the glass, me in my despair being unable to feel it’s warmth as the rays hit my face. I closed my eyes, letting the sun bathe me as I sobbed, sitting myself carefully in the windowsill to watch everyone-else going about their lives as if nothing had happened... as if a life hadn’t been prematurely ended.... As if my heart hadn’t been torn out, stamped on repeatedly before being hap-hazardly flung in the trash... And I hated them for it...I hated all of them. The mothers, the children, the men going off to work... I honestly hated them all for having such perfect lives. For living while I died inside....


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I LOVE you guys so much! Thanks for being here for me when I have needed you.

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17 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Fri Sep 25, 2009 12:16 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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As I led silently on Bill’s unkept bed, I felt a wave of anger flood over me- Anger at the reckless driving that had caused me to lose the one person I really cared about, anger at the doctors not trying hard enough.... Anger at the fact I was still alive while my younger twin brother was led in the mortuary, waiting for a funeral date to be arranged.... I felt yet more tears filling my eyes, and I brushed them away roughly with the back of my left hand. I looked over at one of the many photographs and let out a sigh of dispair. ‘Everything turned out so wrong...’ I whispered to myself, holding Bill’s favourite jacket to my chest as I became flooded with memories, mainly from when we were younger and how much I hated t when I saw him after school and he told me he’d been bullied again. “But you never let them get to you...” I smiled, looking up at the same photograph of me and him I had been holding a few moments ago. And it’s true- he never did. Well, apart from once. He got into a fight, well, kind of. The person bullying him, Blake or something chavvy like that, kept pulling at his newly-dyed black hair. I remember telling Bill not to let it bother him as we walked down the corridor to French, but suddenly Bill had just spun around and punched Blake in the jaw, hitting him to the floor. Not ONE of Blake’s friends stepped forward to help- they kind of just stood there, then pretty much ran in the opposite direction. I was so proud of Bill for taking Blake down though- not many kids had actually done that. He never even looked at Bill after that...Served him right. He got what was coming to him- he’d been picking on Bill practically non-stop for about a year and a half, almost two. And it was about time Bill did something about it. I smiled as I remembered the way me and Bill had been talking all the way through French about how proud I was of him for doing something, and how happy it had made Bill to FINALLY smack the guy in the mouth. I held Bill’s jacket closer as I felt a wave of sorrow wash over me, and I sniffed as I placed a gentle kiss onto it with trembling lips. Even though I’d been there when he’d died, it still hadn’t completely registered that he was gone. I kept expecting him to walk through his bedroom door, see me on his bed and ask me what the hell I was doing in his room. He never really liked people in his room without his permission. I felt my entire body shake as a sob escaped my throat, and I whimpered pitifully at the prospect of life without Bill there to help me through the tough times, and to pick up the peices when I fell apart. I cuddled into my younger brother’s jacket, and wept myself into a restless, haunted sleep...


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18 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:00 pm

me+bill=luv4ever

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awwww!!!! Helz! this is so sad!!!!!! Sad there better be a happy ending!

19 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Sat Sep 26, 2009 7:23 pm

Meadhbh<3

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Yeah, i agree =[

it's really really good though. Sad

20 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:10 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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I didn’t dream that night. I woke slowly, still holding Bill’s jacket to my chest. I slowly lifted the duvet off of myself, and pulled myself to a sitting position, my head pounding. Wearily, I reached out one hand to flick on the bedside lamp, while the other supported my heavy head. The dull illumination of artificial light momentarily dazed me, and I blinked repeatedly to remove the ‘haze’ that had formed in front of my eyes. I closed his eyes softly, sighing as I rubbed my forehead soothingly. I sat there for a few seconds, the sleeve of Bill’s jacket led across my left leg as I thought about everything that had happened the previous day. I rose slowly, feeling the jacket slowly slide off of my lap as I stood, feeling empty and numb inside. I placed one hand gently on the bloodied bandage around my left wrist, feeling tears welling in my eyes as I realised how much it hurt to lose Bill in such a horrible way. ‘He was so young...had so much to live for...So much to do...’ I thought as I walked carefully to the door, being slightly unsteady on my feet due to my sorrow and my grogginess at having just woken up. I stopped in the doorway, and cast a final sorrowful look around Bill’s room. I whispered ‘I love you, Bill’ and turned back to the door. Suddenly- I heard Bill’s voice, it sounded like he was crying, whisper ‘I love you too, Tom’ and I spun back around, half expecting to see him stood there. However, my heart sunk heavilly when I realised that he was gone... and would NEVER be in the same room as me, ever again. I sniffed as a tear slowly snaked down my right cheek, and I turned back around, opening the door slowly as I left.

Once I had reached the kitchen, I saw Gustav preparing himself breakfast. He looked at me, smiled sympthetically, then came over and wrapped a comforting arm around me. “You’re awake early...” he said softly as he led me to a seat at the table. “Here- I’ll fix yah something to eat...”
“I’m not hungry...” I replied quickly, thinking about how sad Bill’s voice had sounded. Did it even happen? Did I, in my sorrow, simply imagine hearing Bill say that he loved me too?
“You sure? You need to keep your strength up, Tom...”
“Yeah...I’m sure...” I whispered, looking at the envolope with ‘To Tokio Hotel’ printed onto it. “What’s this?” I asked Gustav quietly, recognising the MTV logo on it.
“That? We... We’re nominated for....for 3 awards this year....Best Headliner, Best Act Ever, and Best European Act...” Gustav’s voice was a bit broken, and I looked up to see a tear trickle down his face and onto the kitchen worktop surface.
“They want us... to go?"
“Ja.... But....After Bill’s death...I...I don’t know...Tom, it’s really...up to you....”
“Yeah...” I stared at the envolope for a few minutes, distracted temporarilly by Gustav placing a fresh mug of coffee beside me. “I want us to go...for Bill...” I finally said, looking up at Gustav. He stared at me for a few seconds, then nodded and smiled slightly, wiping a tear away with the back of his hand.
“You’re right....We need to make Bill proud....”
“Yeah...”
“What you talking about?” Georg’s voice asked from the doorway. I looked at him, and showed him the letter from MTV.
“We’re going...For Bill’s sake....He... He would have wanted us to....”


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^^ 'Sure, he's a virgin' lol!

I LOVE you guys so much! Thanks for being here for me when I have needed you.

I am STILL married to my lovely wifey Sarah- 11/04/2009. I love you fur immer
http://threalfans.forumotion.com

21 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:14 pm

me+bill=luv4ever

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AWWWW!!! this is so sad! but its cute too! and i like it! Smile can't wait for more! lol

22 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:18 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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Later on, I received a phone call from my mother. “Ok...Ok...Ich leibe dich. Ja...ja, Mama. Auf Weidersehen....Auf Weidersehen...” I pressed the ‘End Call’ button, and looked up at Georg and Gustav. “That was my mum....” I said slowly, bowing my head a little.
“What did she say?” Georg asked gently.
“It was about Bill’s funeral....It’s...It’s on the 4th of November....” I sighed, placing my phone slowly into my pocket.
“That’s only 2 days away...” Gustav whispered, looking at me sorrowfully.
“And 2 days before the MTV awards....” I sighed sorrowfully, looking at the envolope that was still led on the table.
“Ja...” Georg looked at me as he spoke, his eyes asking me if I really wanted to go so soon after Bill’s funeral.
“We’re still going....For Bill...”
“Good idea,” Gustav placed an arm around me, and smiled sympathetically.
“I’m...I’m going to...Go to my room....” I whispered slowly, watching at Georg came over to me and placed a sympathetic arm around my shoulders.
“Do you want one of us to come with you?”
“We don’t really want you on your own Tom, not after what’s happened...”
“I’ll be fine...I...I promise....” I broke myself out of Georg’s loose embrace, walked to the doorway, and turned to face him and Gustav. “Thanks though...” I walked slowly out of the living room, feeling their eyes on me as I made my way up the stairs.

I entered my room, and instantly looked up at the half-naked poster of Carmen Electra, her hands barely covering her bare boobs. That was when I realised that I was never going to look at any of my stuff in the same way again....Not since Bill had died... I sighed, and sat myself at the chair by the desk I had, for when I wanted to write music in my free time (which I did quite often). I grabbed my almost-empty pen, took a slightly crinkled sheet of paper out of one of the drawers, and put the pentip to the paper. I sat there for a few minutes, not sure of how to start, when I looked out of the window. There, I noticed a cluster of trees, their leaves brown and fallen, their branches almost bare, and I knew what I wanted to write the song about. “Bill...This is for you...” I looked back at the page before me, and wrote ‘Forever Autumn’ in the middle at the top, before underlining it roughly. I looked at my photo of Bill I kept on my desk, and felt a wave of tears as I thought about the first verse. ‘The Summer sun is fading as the year grows old, And Darker Days are drawing near.’ I stopped, and looked at what I had just written. It all suddenly seemed so simple. I looked back at the picture of Bill and smiled slightly. “It’s not as hard as you said it was...” I whispered to it, putting the pen back to paper to write the next 2 lines. ‘The Winter winds will be much colder, Now you’re not here...’. I looked at a sheet of half-finished music, and suddenly had another thought. “If I change the pace, and the key....This would be perfect...” I found myself saying to myself, and I looked back at Bill’s photograph once more before looking up at the ceiling. “I really hope you’ll like it...” I whispered, trying hard not to cry as I resumed writing the lyrics which meant so much to me....Which portrayed how I felt exactly.


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^^ 'Sure, he's a virgin' lol!

I LOVE you guys so much! Thanks for being here for me when I have needed you.

I am STILL married to my lovely wifey Sarah- 11/04/2009. I love you fur immer
http://threalfans.forumotion.com

23 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:26 pm

me+bill=luv4ever

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AWW! :') this is adorable! Smile i love it! great story!!

24 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:41 pm

Uchiha_Helenaka

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Danke! There will be more soon, I promise


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^^ 'Sure, he's a virgin' lol!

I LOVE you guys so much! Thanks for being here for me when I have needed you.

I am STILL married to my lovely wifey Sarah- 11/04/2009. I love you fur immer
http://threalfans.forumotion.com

25 Re: For Bill- WARNING! Sad, BMD and for 12+ on Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:42 pm

me+bill=luv4ever

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yay!

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